after practice yesterday; love these gals.

Lady Gaga - Alejandro

got extra canned foods or just wanna donate? well some middle school kids have posted flyers in my neighborhood for their food drive, which they're gonna come the day before halloween to pick up canned foods to donate for an organization; if you're interested just contact me, greatly appreciated.

Rihanna - Russian Roulette

yesterday&today; well yesterday chemistry was eh. i was a couple minutes late to class, but didn't really give a fuck. i spit on the windows of the student services building just for kicks. came in, threw my lab coat and glasses on, started the bunsen burner and copied linh's prelab questions. there is this chick that twin always makes fun of, i'd say shes in her early 30's maybe late 20's. she just has this asian quiet tone about her and she makes weird jerking faces. she was passing by my area and i looked at twin, he started mocking her and making stupid faces, i erupted with laughter and everyone looked at me. i couldn't stop though, i was scared they were gonna ask what i found so funny, some did, but i just stepped out of the class and wet my face with water, and walked back in; this whole cycle repeated itself about 4 times. today, was chemistry lecture, we got out 30 minutes early, and i found out that i got a 43% on my exam, ugh, study-study party, hah. linh then spotted me, and then we headed down to sushimaru on calaveras next to nob hill. i don't like sushi, so when linh asked me what i wanted i kind of said it loud, and i said, " oh shit, did i say that too loud? i just realized that im in a sushi restaurant. " we both just laughed. i got some chicken katsu, with eggs, and some vegetables; it came with a salad and miso soup, but i just gave that to linh, considering i hate salad, and the soup was eh. besides, she paid for it anyways, madd love. she taught me how to use chop sticks, and i ate 3 cubes of tofu with 'em. after we were done, i felt good, 'cause linh and i were just talking, then she told me something personal, which i thought was dope, just 'cause it shows she trusts me, so that was cool. headed to eda's for practice. damn, i had a blast, it was good seeing everyone again. i only see like 1/10 of the whole group occasionally, so it was good to see everyone. well im paired with aimee, what was funny was that we had already paired for practice even before we were actually paired. i was excited to see everyone except for one person, and everyone knows who that person is. it was funny when things happened, and he just started shouting and shit. good thing im tall, 'cause the back section is so damn funny. after practice, brooklyn, michelle, linh, and i went to savers so they could shop for halloween stuff, and just stuff in general. brooklyn wanted this one purple shirt, but it didn't have a price tag. so i told her, " i never steal, but in a place like this, its easy as cake, " so i opened her bag, and slipped it in slick. when we got into the car, she said, " good thing ediben is with us, saved me some stress. " in the parking lot it was damn awkward, first there was this car of mexican guys that was trying to HOLLA at linh, i was laughing hella hard, and then michelle was having beef with this black dude in his soccer mom van, and he pointed at michelle and started laughing; got home and found out that our uncle has TEKKEN 6, bootleg, and hes letting us borrow it; SCORE. my brother and dad went to the san jose swap meet or whatever, and copped my brothers parts, everyone except me... i got the scraps from what they were renewing. so i got some new handlebars, RISERS, and then i raised my seat a wee bit. when i was home, i called eda to tell her that i left my bag there, and i just realized. cassandra picked up, FREAK; they called back saying they have been looking every where for my chicken katsu, i told them that i had it. they were like wow... i forgot my bag there, but i brang my chicken katsu home! ugh, i love 'em. can't wait to see 'em tomorrow.

Train - Drops of Jupiter

got up last minute for class, which was 12pm. took a quick shower and then headed out the door. chinese for 3 hours, getting tougher and tougher now that we're out of the pinyin section and moving onto writing and recognizing characters; well i was getting ultra itchy during class, and i discover all my bug bites, i have 8 total. the biggest one happened to be on my elbow, and so twin kept flicking it and stuff. i was getting bored during class, so i told twin to make it into a pomeranian puppy. he did, it was cutesy until the ink kept smudging into different places. headed home, the plan was to go and bike around again, but i guess they had already started. so i went to go with my family to dinner at new east lake. i had some crab soup, fried rice, and honey walnut shrip; i didn't really wanna touch anything else. went home and then got steamed 'cause of the parentals, i started to vent by throwing my books on my bed and cleaning my bed. i hate getting shit pinned on me thats my brother's fault. went to the grocery store and my mom wanted to return something down at nob hill. i grabbed a cart, got some milk, bomb generic captain crunch cereal, hairspray, bagels, cleaning materials, and puppy food. went home, and started panicking on how i need to study on midterms; i guess i gotta do some last minute cramming tomorrow, tuesday is the day of it and im dreadin' it. i feel like my posts have been only been about how days have been going, and not as emotional as they should be, even though they have been pretty damn emotional lately. if i still had my tumblr, i think things would be damn awkward, considering mostly people just reblog some dumb crap, or just post pictures with little captions on the side; i don't really have as much followers here than i did when i had my tumblr, but i hope i still have an audience. im gonna eat some cereal and head to bed listening to LIGHTS.

Duffy - Warwick Avenue

recap of yesterday too; i was too damn lazy and tired to do yesterday's. yesterday was just class, got out early 'cause my and my partner rocked the experiment. dale texted me and asked if twin and i wanted to go to the homecoming game, i wasn't doing anything, so why not; and i bet cassandra was there, so i could just kick it with her. so as we were on our way, dale bought our tickets. got there, and it was near the end of half time, they were crowning homecoming king and queen. the most awkward thing was that on my right side were the main kids of '09, and i was sitting with '11; gross, anyways as kids were going up and down the bleacher's aisle, i was giving hugs to 'em. they'd randomly just come up to me, and hug me, i still feel like i was in high school at the time. anyways, i was huggin' a bud, and then i look to the '09 section, and there he is, my #1 enemy, staring right back at me. i scowled as if i was saying " what the fuck you want nigga? " and he just turned the other way. FH.... that bitch knows i can kick his ass. i was sitting with erika and francis the whole time, cassandra ditched me 'cause one of her girls was having boy trouble. the game ended, and we won. it was awkward on the way back to the parking lot with the opponent team walking the same direction to their bus. waited on arizona for allen to get us and he dropped us home. the game was fun even though i don't know what the hell was going on, i dig the atmosphere. today i had class, the instructor made me feel like a dumbass. she requested that i get onto the board and solve a problem. i knew the answer, the formula, and how to set the damn thing; in my mind i was thinking that this was gonna be cake, she even walked me through the whole damn thing. after writing two lines down, she stopped me, and told me not to fill in the numbers, but just the variables itself. i just kept going, and she had me erase my shit over and over. eventually she had the class assist me, and then i solved it after. i didn't know what the fuck she was asking for, and the questions are directly in the book, she was asking other tangent stuff. i didn't label the end of the problem with its unit, so she said , " well i'd mark that wrong on the test, figure out why, " with some attitude or something. so i marched back, grabbed the chalk, and made a big ass L to symbolize liters, and some girls started laughing, after she dismissed the class and i was on my way. during our breaks, linh and i would visit the pond, watch the big ass fish, and crack some jokes. she walked me to the parking lot after class, and then left as soon as she saw my ride arrive. arrived back home and then cleaned the house, it was just me and twin at home, stuck with puppy. dale, dennis, and reggie came and we just biked, going down warm springs, to scotts creek, then down park victoria, then onto jacklin, and then milpitas boulevard; it feels good at night, especially when there aren't as many cars around. chilled in the garage for a bit, then headed towards dale's house, making a pit stop towards mc donalds, and then went to dale's. devoured it. hello tekken and street fighter; left and then had in n out at home, stuffed and finished the night with saturday night live, which wasn't that good. this entry was damn boring. i need to hit the books tomorrow after class, midterm tuesday!

LIGHTS; another MADD crush.

i've been a fan for a couple of years now. shes my biggest all time crush; from her appearance, to the style of her videos. from her bony ass fingers on that keytar, to her voice. i got jealous when i found out my friend saw her in concert and hugged and got a picture with her. i want that picture, i'll gladly cut my friend's head out and stick my own in there.

Shakira - Did It Again

yet again, camera phone snap shot and camera phone edited. today was a rather interesting day. got ready in a rush and changed outfits twice, i thought it was gonna rain so i went a little heavy with the clothing, changed into something lighter 'cause i'd be indoors anyways. showed up to class earlier than usual and just sat in the hall waiting for class to start. everyone in the smith center was pretty much just dispersed in different parts of the building. some were in the jackson, in the nummi, in the workshop doing hardward crap; i was in the jackson, we had to get the gel clips and put them into the frames for the lights. with the check list we'd get what ever slice of the colored transparent paper from the file cabinet of the correct size, of the correct color, and add it into the frame. class had ended and i was with the teacher; he brought up that i haven't been doing my lab hours lately and he was concerned. i told him that things have came up and stuff, but i told him that i'd be able to do it today even though that i had just made the decision right then and there. i can tell that he was happy that i made that choice. so i was left alone in the jackson theater to finish geling all of the frames by myself, i'd say there was about 100 frames, and i did them all by myself, from the brackets, to labeling with the grease pen. he showed me the gobos, which are the things that give the light within the lens some funky shapes and stuff. i asked him, " why are those lights still on? those two? even though on the master control i hit ' all off ' and their still on... " he told me that those lights were ghost lights, that they're always on, 24-7. i was scared when he left me alone in the big ass theater, you could hear the wind screaming against the walls outside. after that i went to the nummi, and got the control board to test out like all 100 lights to see if they were working, and then checked 'em off on the map. i had a couple decent conversation with others there, i usually never click with light or sound people, i usually can keep a conversation going with people of the hardware and power tools classes, so it was pretty cool to click with people from my class. i came home later and just knocked out.

Sufjan Stevens - Chicago

i don't know about the others, but im totally diggin' this weather; i took a shot with my phone from inside, behind the sliding door and the screen door, i would've went outside, but i was only equipped with some socks, and it was soaking wet outside, windy too if i may add. today started off with just catching my brother trying to jack some clothes from my closet, and me not being able to go to sleep after that. i usually sleep near 1 or 2 am, and arise at 9 or 9:30am. so i just got up, watched a little television and then got ready for school. i usually never eat in the morning, and if i do, its just cereal. my dad was making me feel guilty saying that he had already cooked rice and warmed up some food, and then he started to cook spam. geez louise, i had no other choice but to submit to his will. grabbed myself a plate and added some rice and the utensils too. stuffed my face, and only 15 minutes left to get to class. found an umbrella and then we just got lecture overloaded, ugh. midterm next week, need to start studying like damn savage crazy. our instructor calls it a ' feastival of learning, ' lame. went home and just chilled for a bit, but then i forgot if my dental appointment was at 3 or 4, so i said im gonna go at 3:30 just to be safe. it happened to be at 4 so we i had some extra time. i was just gonna get the next pair of my retainers and then just jet, but lately my gums have been hurting. i use to have a gap, y'know? like 'em gangster people, like danielle from america's next top model, she won the season by the way. anyways, my gap closed and my gums were being pushed out and have swelled; in the back and front. its super sensitive, its hard to enjoy eating without pain, but i stuck it out. the doctor sat me down and i knew i was gonna suffer pain, so i told 'em before hand what had happened, and he said, " why didn't you call? you could've told me this earlier to get this resolved, " and i said, " oh doc. i didn't think it was that big of a deal. " so instead of moving onto #40/44, he had me wear the old ones, but then he had used scissors to cut the parts that were pushing the plastic into my gums and making it bleed like fuck. he said if it doesn't stop swelling, then come with my dad to this saturday's appointment when he's scheduled, and he'll cut my gums with lasers and stuff. im not really afraid actually, i wanna experience laser treatment. they told me that they were damn proud that i still wore the damn things even though they were causing that much pain, they patted my back and i was on my way. i went down and then ran to the car 'cause it was stormy. headed back home and got onto AIM for awhile. there is this chick named Jordan; shes black and shes from oakland, i don't know how, but then she had appeared onto my buddy list, and i had appeared onto hers. i always ignored it, i just talk to who i wanted to talk to, and ignored everything else. we've encountered each other online on AIM, and she always said something to me; asking me who i am, how did i get her screen name, and all that stuff. i told her that i didn't know, and that she asked me this for the third time already, and then she remembered talking to me on AIM before; i guess we're random strangers, but friends in a weird way. i have a new black friend from oakland.

Paula Abdul - Dance Like There's No Tomorrow

a picture @ weller on the way home biking, i had to stop, it just caught my eye; i actually made a car wait for me just so i can take this shot with my phone. anyways today was alright, i had my midterm for light and sound; the instructor was being super courteous and was giving people their papers back and whispering hints so that they wouldn't give up and just turn in the test with blanks or stupid answers. so when i turned my paper in, i was a wee bit anxious, 'cause i knew he was gonna say something; shockingly, the only thing he commented on was my handwriting, he said it was cool, and then he just smiled and took my paper. sighs of relief, and i walked out of the class while everyone had to keep editing their answers. with an extra 20 minutes to spare, i studied for the test which i was 'bout to take at the DMV for my permit; i know im late, but better late than never. in the end, i was off by 3 questions, but the twin passed. so i felt like crap, but the weird thing is that everyone recognized it, and just kind of let me do my own thing. usually they be all up on my ass telling me to hit the books, but then they were apologizing and saying better luck next time, even my mom texted me from work saying that it'd be alright; after just biked to dale's house to get some games in; twin promised me that we'd get to play nazi zombies if i beat him 3 times in a row at street fighter 4, but if i beat him twice in a row, he'd get to change his character from dhalsim to whomever. so i beat him dhalsim v. dhalsim, then rose v. dhalsim, then rose v. m. bison. he begged for another round, so i let 'em, killed 'em again, dhalsim v. dhalsim. so we finally got to play Call Of Duty : World at War, Nazi Zombies, but the first stage only because the new ones are too complex. afterwards, just biked home, and took a shot of that thingy up there. me and my mom actually had one of those gossiping times, she told me that she trusts me, and that im the only one she comes to talk to, out of my other brothers, and we just gossiping about all the bullshit going 'round. hopefully, they'll realize.

KellyRose, marry me?

@kellyrosemusic on youtube. im usually never on youtube gawking over people, or just being on youtube in general, unless im watching something damn hilarious that was referred to me; so i was just stumbling on youtube due to bordness and i really wanted to hear some covers of songs, 'cause i just like to hear unsigned artists or any artist put a twist on songs that a dig. i was feelin' katy perry's mannequin, so i searched it up on youtube, ' katy perry mannequin cover ' and this chick came up. i usually skip all the chitter chatter and cut straight to whatever i was intended to look at, but surprisingly i watched the whole thing; its hard to make a monster like me laugh or even crack a smile, but theres just something about this chick. so i watched tons of her videos after, despite her vocal talent, what really draws me in is her humorous personality. i got a MADD crush on this chick, she makes we want to buy a wrestler pop. ( watch the second video i've posted, the whole thing to get it. )

Jennifer Lopez - Get Right

thats an attempt to draw a pomeranian on the computer desks at class; today was an eh day; some family members were fighting which was how i woke up, everyone was steamed. so i was just cleaning the house so that things would simmer down with a smile by seeing a clean house. after that i had class, and had a chinese test on beginner pinyin shit, hopefully i passed with flying rainbow multi shmizm colors. after went to a. carmen's for a prayer and then stuffed my face with eggrolls and loads of rice, and having strawberry cheesecake in the end. michelle offered me some pumpkin pie, it was a first for me, it was alright, it'd taste better with milk, only had soda at the time, fanta orange. got some bootleg movies, i was gonna watch by myself, but then i think its too late, maybe tomorrow; im kind of saddened when entering a. carmen's, knowing that her daughter and my cousin was my first and ever best friend. she opened my eyes to everything, and in an instant, she was gone within a flash. we used to be stuck to each other, i don't even know what went wrong. we pass each other by like we never even knew each other, yeah theres the occasional greeting every now and then, but damn; i remember my freshmen year i got beat up for some stupid shit, and she hunted the dude down and killed 'em pretty much. i remember she was known as the chick with ' stunna shades, ' we would always walk home together, get in trouble together, eat together, she taught me anything and everything. i just love to reminisce on the things i don't even have at the moment, i can never seem to hold on to my best friends, or anyone at all, which is probably why im single and always have been, and maybe always will be; oh geez, what i wouldn't do to get that relationship back; anyways, i have a light and sound exam tomorrow and then straight off to the DMV for testing. at midnight a warm chocolate chip cookie and milk always hits the spot.

Motion City Soundtrack - Lets Get Fucked Up And Die

i don't really give a fuck who reads this, if someone does, that'll warm my heart a wee bit; throughout my whole 18 years, i've always been the outcast, i was never photogenic, never had anything to call my own within my niche, just nothing at all. not the looks, the personality, but whatever. i guess thats why i dress funky, 'cause i have an ugly ass face. i like blending colors and patterns with shapes, to distract the eyes off of my face and onto somewhere else and still be acted decent toward; funny thing is, i hardly shop, if i do, its a once a year kind of thing. im not gonna say i envy people with money, but i just wish i had it like they did. with me, its digging through the closet and doing the whole mix and match thing. anyways, with my self confidence dead, my anxiety attacks arise. the simplest things i can't even do. i guess the mind really is one of the strongest weapons; i think way too damn hard, "maybe they'll think this, maybe they'll think that," i just need to let go of everything. i was just lying in bed today, for hours, from when i got out of school, until 7:30pm. i starved myself the whole day and ate nothing; i mean i wasn't in bed the whole time, i was getting ready to head to dale's house until the attacks started to kick in; i just had to sit down somewhere cold and cool off, i couldn't really take it anymore. i had to text dale and tell 'em i couldn't make it anymore, and he didn't reply, i think they were waiting for me; so i just hopped back into bed, my hair wet but done, sleeping in skinny jeans, and wrapped in a blanket. i hate the way the mind works, my mind; its set to think of negative things, i always put myself in the worst case scenario, and they actually happen. to give a perspective, the attacks feel like... like your trapped within a box that you can't escape, being shackled and you're being shocked, it feels like your being zapped and it just rushes through you, it doesn't hurt, but it itches to the point where you're jumping around looking like a damn lunatic. you can't really do anything but pray for emancipation. they never happened until the beginning of this year, back in february, had them ever since. at first i thought it was just a sickness, but then i guess it was a mental health problems. i told people, and eventually went to a doctor, they drew blood, did a whole bunch of evaluations, and they told me that they are indeed anxiety attacks, and that the only way to cure them would be through the way i think, i don't think i can fight it. i remember for our english final, we had to write about some horrible experience, and i wrote about this, saying that no one really knew what it felt like, and i just went on and on, and it was an inclass essay, i didn't even get to finish; but then the last day i had of that class, my english teacher, ms. chenoweth at the time, tapped my shoulder out of the blue. and told me that she read my essay and that it made her cry. for some reason evil teachers no one really likes tend to love me. she even offered my a job at the theater she owns to help boost my confidence, i loved it there, but i declined the offer. blogging about this isn't for me to receive sympathy or anything, thats the last thing people need, but to hopefully change the way you see people, because words aren't as strong as actions, but they still do the job and knock 'em down. tangent; my hair and nails grow pretty damn fast, and i hardly cut them, only when they're too damn long. so my toenails were hurting, so i pulled my sock off, and both of my big toenails on both feet almost fell off, but then i cut them and im safe now.

Beyonce - Satellites

i happened to miss out on a party over at eda's for studying; thank you intro to light and sound, chemistry, and chinese. its 1:32 and i just finished chinese homework; today i woke up with the gums of my mouth bleeding, ask my why? 'cause my retainers are getting tighter and tighter, but that black southern gap i have is vanishing, so i guess its worth it. i was spitting pools of blood, no joke 'bout that. i went to class this morning and just took my midterm for chemistry, i helped this white girl, i let her copy off my test when the instructor wasn't looking, haha we were talking in the hallway after, and i guess i made a new friend. i left after that, even though there was a lecture, i couldn't torture myself trying to stay awake in that class, it was damn early and damn boring. linh wanted me to stay, but i backed out. i just laid in my bed for a whole bunch of hours, watching my wussie dog come in and out of my room, i had midnight snacks to boost me up during the study sessions; nutella sandwich and milk on the kitchen floor.

VISTOSO BOSSES - Delirious

well i was supposed to blog last night, technically today, but at 12am. i was growing lazy and i just knocked out. i was trying to stay up for that nasa satellite bomb at 4:30am, but i was killed at 2:30am. i was playing tetris on my ipod too long and just got sick of it. anyways, yesterday, i had class at 11:45-1:25, and geez, i hate this class. its one of the 'lecture overload' classes, with the big ass auditorium and hella seats and stuff. there is this chick in there who just says the dumbest things, doesn't know the meaning of inside voice, and is someone everyone laughs at. appearance wise, she looks like shes 19 or 20, and she looks like an uglier and older mix of demi moore and lindsay lohan, but no one can really agree with the way i see things, so if you cross paths with her, you can be the judge; anyways, we were in groups and scattered across the building and answering questions off of the projector from some pages we were to have had read previously; it was suggested that we take notes on these just in case, and these questions were straight off of our assignment, and we were supposed to have already known it, or at least be a tad bit familiar with it. well the format was, our group would answer the question, and then the teacher would briefly review it too; that would be answering the question twice. everyone was kind of getting fed up with britney just asking the class to stop so she can catch every word, and requesting everyone to speak louder; oh, but the professor, she was a boss that day, i could never talk to her, but i really wanted to email her after she did what she just did; she suggested that she take a PD class, or not taking class, she said a whole bunch of other things and just put the chick on blast. nothing really happened after that, but im just sitting here, waiting for dale to get back from the gym so we can head over to his house and kick it. got class at 6:30 at night, chemistry nights with linh.

Mariah Carey - Languishing

tangent; i finally found my pair of shoes that i was looking for, forever! ugh, i just woke up like i usually do, threw on a bunch of clothes, and then headed to class. we just talked about stuff in light and sound, about crap thats gonna be on our midterm next week. he said that we'd do fine that he might even make the test harder 'cause we were answering everything quickly. gotta remember all the plugs, the Watts = Voltage x Amps formula and how to use it, real case scenarios, and just a whole load of other stuff. we left and then headed to the DMV, but then something was wrong with their computers, so my dad couldn't renew his lisence, and we couldn't take out tests, so that gives us 'till monday. we just headed home and played with the doggie for a bit. twin told me he was gonna head to pam's later for cotilion practice, i wanted to tag along, im not part of the court, but just one of the other 18 candles. so we hit dale up so we can head over to his house and get some tekken and street fighter in. he said to meet 'em up at MHS, the soccer field area where the hip hop club was at. we did, and then some chick just took my bike and started riding it, i head she was a freak, but i didn't care, as long as she brang the piece of metal back i'd be alright. i hear dale say ' BEN! WATCH OUT! ' and erikacamise just tackled me and the hugged me and asked a million bagillyun questions, so i told her one at a time, and she just told me how shes been holding things down and how everything has been. i still feel like im in high school. i called up cassandra pants to hang with me for a bit since she lives across the street and we haven't theme songed in a while. i have the song on my phone, but its a different and mixed version. when i got off the phone with her, dale and twin decided to cut out, and i told them i'll just head over when we start going to pam's. so we just chattered like there was no damn tomorrow. me cassandra and daphne, and then erika would come in randomly and shake her ass onto my face while i was sitting down, i thought she was gonna fart on me, so i yelled i didn't want pink eye. 18, and i still feel like a damn kid. well yeah, daphne says she understands now, which made me smile, she said she understood what i meant those two years when i attended high school, she feels me. i cut out later, and cassandra was ticked i didn't walk her home, but i was in a rush, i owe her one. we biked to pam's and then i was the only one at their practice who wasn't in the court, besides megan's niece, so i decided to chat with the wittle 5 year old. her name was tyra, so i just kept calling her tyra banks, and now shes stuck to it, and she don't even know who the hell the chick is. shes a thriple threat haha, she can sing, dance, style hair, and she threw a little karate moves when she was dancing. during breaks theresa and i would play i spy with her, she was oodles of fun, until she got a little too comfortable, so i told her we were playing the quiet game, and shes a sore loser, so she kept quiet the whole duration. geez, im such an asshole at times. i had a slice of pizza after then headed home. my brother came home late, i washed a shit load of dishes which took 3o minutes, and then i helped my brother studying at like 12am, using flash cards and quizzing him and what not.

MGMT - KIDS

venting; well my brother has been lying to me about taking my phone charger, i found out he took it though. i have the same phone as my 2 other brothers, the LG XENON, and we've all got the same charger. something happened to my brothers' charger, so he's been using mine, which i don't really mind, im mellow with that. mysteriously my charger disappears for about a week. as i ask around, everyone doesn't know what happened to it, so i just use my other brothers charger. so i guess 3 people on one charger? what a sucks. i noticed that when my little brother is gone my other brother doesn't use the charger, so how the hell does he always have full battery, or doesn't need to charge it at all. damn, im such a dumbass, if my little brother has his own charger, he couldn't have had, or even wanted to take it. so that'd just leave the twin left. as we were leaving to head over to dale's house to kick it, we needed to find the house keys, and the twin asked for my assistance, i was just crawling around on the floor, pretending, just 'cause i didn't wanna give an effort to find a key that he had lost. and i check under his bed, and i see the phone charger, which im 100% sure is mine. i didn't wanna say anything, just 'cause if i did, it'd be an awkward bike ride to dale's. so i just kept it to myself, and went on with the day. but damn, i hid my charger, on the side of my bed plugged into the wall. he won't be reading this post, so he won't know; other than that, things have been feeling like hell. things that were promised by my parents never seem to follow through. my anxiety attacks have been coming back, and hopefully the cold weather will cancel it out, they seem to arise when it gets hot, or when im nervous. i guess i was made to be anti-social. ugh, well im 18, and i guess i expected too much to happen, my birthday was just like any other 364 days of the year, maybe even worse. but in the end, im still alive, and all is decent, not well, but enough to live through to the next day. scho0l is just whatever and everyday, but i saw a tarantula on campus once. i was kind of ticked off with my chemistry partner, whom im really good friends with in high school, and have known since the 5th grade. what had happened was that she had her lab manual, and i had ordered mine, and it would arrive next week. so then i asked her if i can get a copy of the lab, and she told me that she couldn't make copies or anything; the ironic thing was when i got my lab manual, she lost hers, and now she can make copies. i don't mind, so now shes going to be using my lab manual after every class each week to make copies. so i pretty much paid for my book, and she is also getting the benefit. if you don't wanna make copies, then just tell me, don't say you can't.